White People Like Stuff

Being the hip New Yorker that she is, my sister is always in on the cutting edge. So of course it was her that sent me the think to "Stuff White People Like," a hot new blog that is pretty self-explanatory. The blog is quite "smart" as my boss here at ESPN Mag likes to say, and I found myself shaking my head with self-awareness as I read it. Since I'm in my late 20s and live in Park Slope, the blog is basically poking fun at my entire demographic.

In my defense, I will say that I don't like Oscar parties, snowboarding or food Co-ops. I do like Mos Def, however, I've been down with him since he was one half of Black Star, and before he was appearing on Chapelle's Show.

I take pride in being able to laugh at myself, so I got to thinking about other things that white people like that should appear on that blog. Fortunately, my Saturday night gave me plenty of fodder as I was at a birthday party at Automatic Slim's, which is a closet-sized bar in the West Village that spins all sorts of music white people like. Over the course of the evening, I realized there are three songs that stand above the rest in terms of the love-affair white folks have with them, and they are "Livin' On A Prayer," "Don't Stop Believing," and "Sweet Caroline."

To be honest, I can't really decide which of these songs white people love most. My friends used to own a bar up by Columbia University, and they claim that "Livin' On A Prayer" would be played on the jukebox at least twice on any crowded night. Ever since then, I've always considered that the quintessential white person bar song. And to be honest, if I never hear that song again at a bar, I'll be a happy person. I don't choose music at bars, however, and when that song comes on, the white kids start belting out the story of Tommy and Gina like its going out of style, even though it's clearly not. Last night was no exception.

The Bon Jovi "classic" received some competition from Neil Diamond and Journey last night, and I came to realize that those two songs might have surpassed "Livin' On A Prayer" on the white people chart. To see the pleasure white folks derive from screaming out a "ba-ba-baa" after each "Sweet Caroline" is quite remarkable. When the song regained popularity after it's appearance in the film "Beautiful Girls," I was into it. More than a decade later, I'm pretty fucking sick of it.

It's become even more nauseating due to its association with the Boston Red Sox, who play the song in the middle of the eighth inning at every home game. It's a nice little tradition, and I don't begrudge them for it. Even the Mets play it now, and with the exception of Billy Wagner, it's my least favorite thing about the organization right now.

Unfortunately, the Red Sox success has made the song far more prevalent and we're forced to hear it more frequently. On the plus side, it helps prove my theory because I don't think there is a team with a whiter fan base in all of sports than the Boston Red Sox. Have you ever seen a non-white Red Sox fan? Me neither, and Red Sox "nation" is everywhere.

That brings us to "Don't Stop Believing," but I'll stop short of poking fun of that song because I still kind of like. That being said, I only think I can deal with hearing it at bars for another year or so before I want stab Steve Perry with a spoon.