MJ Returns! No, Not That MJ

Have no fear, The Gauntlet Report is back. I know you loyal readers probably suffered withdrawal, but I’m here to bring in strong like MJ with the Rookies on last night’s Gauntlet.

Man, what a moment that was! The Rookies were all bummed because they were losing folks left and right, and here comes our friend from The Real World: Philadelphia to save the day. I would have liked to see them put MJ in slow motion while he was running across the beach with the “Chariots Of Fire” theme playing to really spice up the drama, but it’s not my call.

I have to give credit to our favorite good ol’ boy, because MJ made his presence known pretty quickly. Not only did he look like he was pulling his weight in the challenges, but he even ran his mouth a bit, criticizing Frank for the way in which he was trying to stand up for Jillian.

You have to hand it to Frank and Jillian, by the way. The whole world seems to be against them, they are constantly overcoming obstacles to keep their dorky affair going. It’s really quite romantic. They’re like Tony and Maria from West Side Story . . . if Tony and Maria were boring New Englanders. I’m not even sure Frank and Jillian are boring New Englanders, but they might as well be.

All that really matters is that it looks like nothing is going to stand between Frank and Jillian and the final mission, and one of the casualties of their desire was Zach, who Frank whupped in The Gauntlet. The plus side of this was MTV putting together a music montage of Zach highlights before his send-off. The producers have done these montages before, most memorably when Timmy “retired” after a loss in a recent challenge, and they are always good for a laugh.

Another thing I’ve also noticed in my years of watching these challenges is that they seem to have their own lexicon. When host T.J. Lavin wants to give credit to a player for a strong performance, he always says, “you killed it.” Any player who thinks they are going to be sent into The Gauntlet will refer to themselves as being “on the chopping block.” The other popular one, which was in heavy rotation tonight, was “trim the fat.” This phrase is used in reference to getting the weaker players eliminated for the good of the team. Aren’t the Real World and Road Rules kids masters of metaphor? If I were William Safire, I might dedicate my next “On Language” column to their wordsmenship.

It looks like the Veterans are ready to actually “trim the fat,” as three of their male members were discussing throwing the next mission as a way of making sure some their female members get eliminated. What I find odd is that the male Veterans keep talking about how their women are slowing them down, yet they’ve won six out of seven missions. Umm, fellas, they can’t be that bad.

I’m a little worried about the integrity of the game being compromised if missions get thrown. Senator Arlen Specter has already shown a willingness to investigate the New England Patriots’ “Spygate”, could The Gauntlet be next?