The Gauntlet Report, Volume I

In our current era of vapid pop culture, the phrase “guilty pleasure” gets thrown around quite frivolously in order to justify wasting our time on crappy television and music. I resist the urge to fall prey to this phenomenon, but when it comes to “The Gauntlet,” as well as any other reincarnation of “The Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” I can’t help myself.

I’ve been watching for years, and I’m hoping to make my “Gauntlet Report” a weekly feature here on ABCQ. Bill Simmons has long advocated replacing the NHL with the challenges as the fourth major sport in this country, so this even fits the sports theme of this blog. Don’t worry, I’ll mix it up sometimes.

We’re two episodes into the newest season, but we got the special bonus of seeing two people eliminated this week. That’s like the time the guy at Dunkin’ Donuts accidentally gave me two crullers when I only asked for one.

First we lost Angel from the Rookies team after she almost miraculously came back to defeat Jillian in the Gauntlet. Angel seemed nice, but I didn’t care because I had no idea where she came from. I used to make a point to at least watch a few episodes of every season of both “The Real World” and “Road Rules”, but I guess I missed one somewhere because I didn’t recognize her.

It might be a sign of maturity that I’m no longer fully aware of every member of “The Real World” or “Road Rules”, but I felt a little out of touch. I had actually tuned into a couple of episodes of “The Real World: Sydney” just so I would be familiar with them in this challenge. Much to my dismay, none of them are on “The Gauntlet.” There is no doubt that Dunbar would have already been in a fight with CT and sucked face with any of the Pamela, Tori, Janelle triumvirate. It’s a shame.

The second person to go down was Tyler, who seemed to be doing his best to reinforce every negative gay stereotype in the world. When he wasn’t overly emotional and catty, he was doing everything he could to get into the pants of Ryan, the only other gay guy in sight. Ryan, doing his best to resist gay stereotypes, shunned Tyler’s advances and seemed very pleased when Tyler hit the bricks.

After three challenges, the veterans seem to be in control with a 3-0 lead. There is definitely more firepower on their side, but you can easily see them falling apart once they lose a challenge or two, and you know it’s going to happen.

And if Vegas were to create prop bets on “Gauntlet”-related events, I feel strongly that “CT getting kicked off for punching someone else on his team,” would be off the board.