It's been 18 hours, and I still can't get over how good last night's season finale of "The Gauntlet" was. Did I say "good?" I meant "great." I knew there was a reason why I continue to grind through season after season of The Real World/Road Rules challenges, and the payoff is episodes like the one I watched last night.
If you didn't watch, here's a synopsis: The Veterans dominated the entire season, and were successful in getting rid of perceived weak links from their team before the final mission. However, they didn't get rid of a fat guy named Eric who ended up collapsing in the midst of a long run and had to go to the hospital. After Eric got carted off, they still tried to finish the race and ended up passing the Rookies anyway and finishing before them. They thought they might actually get the win, but they were disqualified because not everyone on their team finished.
I am not sure what was more amazing, the fact that The Veterans didn't realize early in the season that an obese out of shape guy might be a huge liability in the final mission, or that they actually thought they might be credited with a victory after coming back to win once the obese out of shape guy was rush to the hospital.
The Veterans were so cutthroat the entire time in their effort to "trim the fat," yet they seemed to miss the giant albatross that was getting wasted with them every night. And at somewhere close to 300 pounds, Eric is hard to miss. Seriously, did they think Katie or Coral would have actually slowed them down more than Eric?
Don't get me wrong, Eric seems like a fun guy, and that's probably how they justified not trying to eliminate him. That, and the fact that they were scared to go against him in a Gauntlet. But seriously, who would you be more scared of in a physical competition, Eric, or someone like CT or Brad? Even if the event severely favored a heavy person, you could beat him just by waiting (no pun intended) him out.
It was pretty amusing when they cut back to the scene from an earlier episode when Johnny Bananas pointed out how much of a liability Eric would be in a final mission. I am sure Johnny laughed as he watched last night's episode. Or at least I hope he was laughing at his teammates, not at Eric going to the hospital. That would be mean.
But probably not as mean as the rest of The Veteran team who basically tried to drag Eric around even though it was clear he was not going to make it and might be in serious physical danger. Brad was the only one of them with even a mild degree of sympathy, while the rest were obsessed with getting their 10 percent of $300,000.
When you consider how obnoxious they were last and through the entire season, losing served them right.
As for the Rookies, they should be thanking their lucky stars that Frank wouldn't let them strike a deal with Danny for immunity in the previous episode. If they had done that, then Eric could have gone into the Gauntlet and possibly been eliminated before the final mission. Since Frank wouldn't agree to the deal, they were able to grant Eric immunity and have a chance to win the final mission, which they did.
I know I said I would stop writing about The Gauntlet a few weeks ago, but last night was just too juicy. Besides, it was the finale. I need to do something with my time before baseball season starts.
Showing posts with label I'm a dork. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I'm a dork. Show all posts
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
MJ Returns! No, Not That MJ
Have no fear, The Gauntlet Report is back. I know you loyal readers probably suffered withdrawal, but I’m here to bring in strong like MJ with the Rookies on last night’s Gauntlet.
Man, what a moment that was! The Rookies were all bummed because they were losing folks left and right, and here comes our friend from The Real World: Philadelphia to save the day. I would have liked to see them put MJ in slow motion while he was running across the beach with the “Chariots Of Fire” theme playing to really spice up the drama, but it’s not my call.
I have to give credit to our favorite good ol’ boy, because MJ made his presence known pretty quickly. Not only did he look like he was pulling his weight in the challenges, but he even ran his mouth a bit, criticizing Frank for the way in which he was trying to stand up for Jillian.
You have to hand it to Frank and Jillian, by the way. The whole world seems to be against them, they are constantly overcoming obstacles to keep their dorky affair going. It’s really quite romantic. They’re like Tony and Maria from West Side Story . . . if Tony and Maria were boring New Englanders. I’m not even sure Frank and Jillian are boring New Englanders, but they might as well be.
All that really matters is that it looks like nothing is going to stand between Frank and Jillian and the final mission, and one of the casualties of their desire was Zach, who Frank whupped in The Gauntlet. The plus side of this was MTV putting together a music montage of Zach highlights before his send-off. The producers have done these montages before, most memorably when Timmy “retired” after a loss in a recent challenge, and they are always good for a laugh.
Another thing I’ve also noticed in my years of watching these challenges is that they seem to have their own lexicon. When host T.J. Lavin wants to give credit to a player for a strong performance, he always says, “you killed it.” Any player who thinks they are going to be sent into The Gauntlet will refer to themselves as being “on the chopping block.” The other popular one, which was in heavy rotation tonight, was “trim the fat.” This phrase is used in reference to getting the weaker players eliminated for the good of the team. Aren’t the Real World and Road Rules kids masters of metaphor? If I were William Safire, I might dedicate my next “On Language” column to their wordsmenship.
It looks like the Veterans are ready to actually “trim the fat,” as three of their male members were discussing throwing the next mission as a way of making sure some their female members get eliminated. What I find odd is that the male Veterans keep talking about how their women are slowing them down, yet they’ve won six out of seven missions. Umm, fellas, they can’t be that bad.
I’m a little worried about the integrity of the game being compromised if missions get thrown. Senator Arlen Specter has already shown a willingness to investigate the New England Patriots’ “Spygate”, could The Gauntlet be next?
Man, what a moment that was! The Rookies were all bummed because they were losing folks left and right, and here comes our friend from The Real World: Philadelphia to save the day. I would have liked to see them put MJ in slow motion while he was running across the beach with the “Chariots Of Fire” theme playing to really spice up the drama, but it’s not my call.
I have to give credit to our favorite good ol’ boy, because MJ made his presence known pretty quickly. Not only did he look like he was pulling his weight in the challenges, but he even ran his mouth a bit, criticizing Frank for the way in which he was trying to stand up for Jillian.
You have to hand it to Frank and Jillian, by the way. The whole world seems to be against them, they are constantly overcoming obstacles to keep their dorky affair going. It’s really quite romantic. They’re like Tony and Maria from West Side Story . . . if Tony and Maria were boring New Englanders. I’m not even sure Frank and Jillian are boring New Englanders, but they might as well be.
All that really matters is that it looks like nothing is going to stand between Frank and Jillian and the final mission, and one of the casualties of their desire was Zach, who Frank whupped in The Gauntlet. The plus side of this was MTV putting together a music montage of Zach highlights before his send-off. The producers have done these montages before, most memorably when Timmy “retired” after a loss in a recent challenge, and they are always good for a laugh.
Another thing I’ve also noticed in my years of watching these challenges is that they seem to have their own lexicon. When host T.J. Lavin wants to give credit to a player for a strong performance, he always says, “you killed it.” Any player who thinks they are going to be sent into The Gauntlet will refer to themselves as being “on the chopping block.” The other popular one, which was in heavy rotation tonight, was “trim the fat.” This phrase is used in reference to getting the weaker players eliminated for the good of the team. Aren’t the Real World and Road Rules kids masters of metaphor? If I were William Safire, I might dedicate my next “On Language” column to their wordsmenship.
It looks like the Veterans are ready to actually “trim the fat,” as three of their male members were discussing throwing the next mission as a way of making sure some their female members get eliminated. What I find odd is that the male Veterans keep talking about how their women are slowing them down, yet they’ve won six out of seven missions. Umm, fellas, they can’t be that bad.
I’m a little worried about the integrity of the game being compromised if missions get thrown. Senator Arlen Specter has already shown a willingness to investigate the New England Patriots’ “Spygate”, could The Gauntlet be next?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
The Gauntlet Report, Volume I
In our current era of vapid pop culture, the phrase “guilty pleasure” gets thrown around quite frivolously in order to justify wasting our time on crappy television and music. I resist the urge to fall prey to this phenomenon, but when it comes to “The Gauntlet,” as well as any other reincarnation of “The Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” I can’t help myself.
I’ve been watching for years, and I’m hoping to make my “Gauntlet Report” a weekly feature here on ABCQ. Bill Simmons has long advocated replacing the NHL with the challenges as the fourth major sport in this country, so this even fits the sports theme of this blog. Don’t worry, I’ll mix it up sometimes.
We’re two episodes into the newest season, but we got the special bonus of seeing two people eliminated this week. That’s like the time the guy at Dunkin’ Donuts accidentally gave me two crullers when I only asked for one.
First we lost Angel from the Rookies team after she almost miraculously came back to defeat Jillian in the Gauntlet. Angel seemed nice, but I didn’t care because I had no idea where she came from. I used to make a point to at least watch a few episodes of every season of both “The Real World” and “Road Rules”, but I guess I missed one somewhere because I didn’t recognize her.
It might be a sign of maturity that I’m no longer fully aware of every member of “The Real World” or “Road Rules”, but I felt a little out of touch. I had actually tuned into a couple of episodes of “The Real World: Sydney” just so I would be familiar with them in this challenge. Much to my dismay, none of them are on “The Gauntlet.” There is no doubt that Dunbar would have already been in a fight with CT and sucked face with any of the Pamela, Tori, Janelle triumvirate. It’s a shame.
The second person to go down was Tyler, who seemed to be doing his best to reinforce every negative gay stereotype in the world. When he wasn’t overly emotional and catty, he was doing everything he could to get into the pants of Ryan, the only other gay guy in sight. Ryan, doing his best to resist gay stereotypes, shunned Tyler’s advances and seemed very pleased when Tyler hit the bricks.
After three challenges, the veterans seem to be in control with a 3-0 lead. There is definitely more firepower on their side, but you can easily see them falling apart once they lose a challenge or two, and you know it’s going to happen.
And if Vegas were to create prop bets on “Gauntlet”-related events, I feel strongly that “CT getting kicked off for punching someone else on his team,” would be off the board.
I’ve been watching for years, and I’m hoping to make my “Gauntlet Report” a weekly feature here on ABCQ. Bill Simmons has long advocated replacing the NHL with the challenges as the fourth major sport in this country, so this even fits the sports theme of this blog. Don’t worry, I’ll mix it up sometimes.
We’re two episodes into the newest season, but we got the special bonus of seeing two people eliminated this week. That’s like the time the guy at Dunkin’ Donuts accidentally gave me two crullers when I only asked for one.
First we lost Angel from the Rookies team after she almost miraculously came back to defeat Jillian in the Gauntlet. Angel seemed nice, but I didn’t care because I had no idea where she came from. I used to make a point to at least watch a few episodes of every season of both “The Real World” and “Road Rules”, but I guess I missed one somewhere because I didn’t recognize her.
It might be a sign of maturity that I’m no longer fully aware of every member of “The Real World” or “Road Rules”, but I felt a little out of touch. I had actually tuned into a couple of episodes of “The Real World: Sydney” just so I would be familiar with them in this challenge. Much to my dismay, none of them are on “The Gauntlet.” There is no doubt that Dunbar would have already been in a fight with CT and sucked face with any of the Pamela, Tori, Janelle triumvirate. It’s a shame.
The second person to go down was Tyler, who seemed to be doing his best to reinforce every negative gay stereotype in the world. When he wasn’t overly emotional and catty, he was doing everything he could to get into the pants of Ryan, the only other gay guy in sight. Ryan, doing his best to resist gay stereotypes, shunned Tyler’s advances and seemed very pleased when Tyler hit the bricks.
After three challenges, the veterans seem to be in control with a 3-0 lead. There is definitely more firepower on their side, but you can easily see them falling apart once they lose a challenge or two, and you know it’s going to happen.
And if Vegas were to create prop bets on “Gauntlet”-related events, I feel strongly that “CT getting kicked off for punching someone else on his team,” would be off the board.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Oye Como Va
I was all prepared to mix up the sports theme of this blog with a post about “The Millionaire Matchmaker,” a new reality show on Bravo that I have recently become fascinated with.
But then the Mets went out and acquired the best pitcher in baseball, and I figured that since baseball is kind of my “thing” and I’m a Mets fan, I should probably weigh in.
Before I progress, I want to make it clear that I am aware that this trade could fall through if the Mets can’t reach a contract agreement with Johan Santana in the next 72 hours, but I have a feeling Los Wilpones will open the check book wide for the two-time Cy Young award winner. Therefore, YIPPEE.
After I heard about this trade I recalled my feelings on July 31, 2004, when the Mets made the ill-fated Scott Kazmor-for-Victor Zambrano swap, and I decided that today’s emotions were pretty much the exact opposite of that.
I am normally opposed to four-for-one trades like the one the Mets made to get Santana because I believe strongly in building through the farm system. But I also believe that there’s a time to pay big, and that’s when truly elite talent is available. It’s why the Mike Piazza trade made sense, it’s why the Carlos Beltran signing made sense, and it’s why this Santana trade makes sense.
And having ranked the top 30 prospects in the Mets farm system in the 2005 and 2006 Baseball America Prospect Handbook, I feel qualified to speak about the four prospects the Mets gave up with some degree of authority.
I’m not going to list the merits and faults of Carlos Gomez, Kevin Mulvey, Phil Humber and Deolis Guerra, but I will say that I don’t think the Mets gave up any future stars. Gomez and Guerra have that potential, but they are far from being locks. I’ve always seen Gomez’ ceiling as being comparable to Alex Rios, and Guerra’s lack of a breaking pitch (and the fact that he is barely old enough to go to R-rated movies) makes it hard to truly project him.
As for Mulvey and Humber, their ceiling is probably as a No. 4 starter. I could be wrong about this, but even if three of these guys reach their ceiling (which is unlikely), the Mets will still be getting a few seasons from the best pitcher of this generation in the midst of his prime. I’ll take it.
The only downside to this trade that I see is Rafael Santana having to relinquish the title of best Santana in Mets history. But hey, we all have to make sacrifices sometimes.
Being the dork that I am, I threw “Meet The Mets” on my iPod today as I left the office. And if you saw me walking across 34th Street, you saw me beaming ear to ear as I strutted to the Mets theme song and visualized a day in mid-May where I’ll be at Shea watching Santana on the hill as 50,000 orange-and-blue faithful rise to their feet every time the Venezuelan reaches two strikes on some helpless foe.
And when you think about it like that, it’s hard not to be ecstatic.
But then the Mets went out and acquired the best pitcher in baseball, and I figured that since baseball is kind of my “thing” and I’m a Mets fan, I should probably weigh in.
Before I progress, I want to make it clear that I am aware that this trade could fall through if the Mets can’t reach a contract agreement with Johan Santana in the next 72 hours, but I have a feeling Los Wilpones will open the check book wide for the two-time Cy Young award winner. Therefore, YIPPEE.
After I heard about this trade I recalled my feelings on July 31, 2004, when the Mets made the ill-fated Scott Kazmor-for-Victor Zambrano swap, and I decided that today’s emotions were pretty much the exact opposite of that.
I am normally opposed to four-for-one trades like the one the Mets made to get Santana because I believe strongly in building through the farm system. But I also believe that there’s a time to pay big, and that’s when truly elite talent is available. It’s why the Mike Piazza trade made sense, it’s why the Carlos Beltran signing made sense, and it’s why this Santana trade makes sense.
And having ranked the top 30 prospects in the Mets farm system in the 2005 and 2006 Baseball America Prospect Handbook, I feel qualified to speak about the four prospects the Mets gave up with some degree of authority.
I’m not going to list the merits and faults of Carlos Gomez, Kevin Mulvey, Phil Humber and Deolis Guerra, but I will say that I don’t think the Mets gave up any future stars. Gomez and Guerra have that potential, but they are far from being locks. I’ve always seen Gomez’ ceiling as being comparable to Alex Rios, and Guerra’s lack of a breaking pitch (and the fact that he is barely old enough to go to R-rated movies) makes it hard to truly project him.
As for Mulvey and Humber, their ceiling is probably as a No. 4 starter. I could be wrong about this, but even if three of these guys reach their ceiling (which is unlikely), the Mets will still be getting a few seasons from the best pitcher of this generation in the midst of his prime. I’ll take it.
The only downside to this trade that I see is Rafael Santana having to relinquish the title of best Santana in Mets history. But hey, we all have to make sacrifices sometimes.
Being the dork that I am, I threw “Meet The Mets” on my iPod today as I left the office. And if you saw me walking across 34th Street, you saw me beaming ear to ear as I strutted to the Mets theme song and visualized a day in mid-May where I’ll be at Shea watching Santana on the hill as 50,000 orange-and-blue faithful rise to their feet every time the Venezuelan reaches two strikes on some helpless foe.
And when you think about it like that, it’s hard not to be ecstatic.
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